A few weeks ago I and some other Berliners were interviewed for The Guardian. You can find the full article including my answer following the link below.
What does fulfilment mean to Berliners?
Photograph: Thorsten Futh for the Guardian
Are you one of the people who have tried to achieve particular objectives and at some point lost sight of their goals?
One of my coaching clients defined it as follows:
For me, it’s like standing at the lower end of a stairway with countless steps leading to the top. I feel very small and the goal at the top is so far out of reach. That’s when I start asking myself whether to take the first step or not.
You probably know the saying, “Life is not a bed of roses.” Although I must admit that I’ve never really understood why a bed of roses has been associated with being easy, trouble-free, and effortless.
For me, life really is a bed of roses. And what a life! You may be asking yourself how I came to this conclusion. The answer is simple:
I can only speak about my own experiences and from my observations. Things might be different for you. While this post might not appeal to you, perhaps it will make you think.
If I look back at my nearly 50 spring seasons in this world, I can see that there have been an incredible number of wonderful moments in my life so far. Moments that I would not have wanted to miss and for which I am grateful. Above all, I am grateful that I have kept them in my memory.
But I also look back on many events and realize that only now do I recognize how unique they were. At the time, I could not enjoy them intensely because my thoughts and worries about the future had deadened the happiness of the moment.
Again and again, I read in the social media postings from colleagues (yes, it's by the bankers) that they will give tips only if they are receiving payment, or that I can only get to know them personally if I book them. Equally awful, I find blanket statements like: "Those who are not willing to invest money in themselves shouldn't be surprised if they don't move forward."
Every evening, I will write in my „Book of Gratitude“ 7 things for which I am grateful on this day.
I started this, punctually, on 01.01. Even though it has only been a week since then, I have already felt that something is changing – that I am changing.
Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely make my feelings into a den of thieves. Words gush out from me that perhaps, in hindsight, would have been better left unsaid.
I am – as the saying goes – „built close to the water“ and there have been times when something quickly brought me to tears. Sometimes because something made me sad, or because I wanted to cry with happiness.
I’m on a first-name basis with my clients, because I love having trustful exchanges with them. I often hear, „People don’t do that. When you’re self-employed, you have to radiate strength and success on the outside, otherwise nobody will want to book appointments with you.“
Are you the type of person who cannot be alone? When you do find yourself alone, do you turn up the stereo, turn on the television, or bury yourself in your work?
I will admit that I, too, was always afraid of the ghost called ‚loneliness.‘ I would listen to music or turn on the TV. I didn’t care what was on; the main point was to just have the murmur of voices in the background.
Eventually, I realized I was not doing it to eliminate the silence. No, I needed the outside noise to drown out the voices within me. I did not want to deal with myself. I didn’t want to hear what the voices in my head were telling me.
Are you the type of person who cannot be alone? When you do find yourself alone, do you turn up the stereo, turn on the television, or bury yourself in your work?
I will admit that I, too, was always afraid of the ghost called ‚loneliness.‘ I would listen to music or turn on the TV. I didn’t care what was on; the main point was to just have the murmur of voices in the background.
Beliefs – those nasty little things the invisible man on our shoulders whispers repeatedly in our ears. That little devil, who constantly warns us of potential hazards, persuades us that something won't work anyway, or – worse yet – that WE certainly can't do it.
STOP! – Is that really so? Does that little invisible man only tell you when something will not work, or does he sometimes also inspire you and give you courage?
Beliefs are not innately limiting. There are also many that help us push forward on our way.
Therefore, it is good to know which of your beliefs limit you, and which give you a boost. For that, you have to clarify for yourself which beliefs will accompany you through your life.
Find a quiet place for yourself, take a pen and paper with you, and consider which beliefs dwell in you. If you want to, you can also consult with a good friend about this. Often, we are not even aware of our beliefs and so it is good for you to have someone who may be able to open your eyes.
